(Intro) 0:04
Welcome to The Cassette Diaries, a fiction podcast about endings, the whimsy of girlhood, and lost arcane things that hide in your attic — yearning to be discovered. Tape six, August twenty-seven, nineteen ninety three.
CHARLIE 00:27
Well, do we have that tape? We have to have it!
LYDIA 00:31
I don't know? Uh... They all look the same! Just date after date after date! And I mean, if that tape explains everything, they would've handed it over right?
CHARLIE 00:46
To who?
LYDIA 00:47
The... the authorities! I mean, the other tapes are Jane's diary entries, so of course they'd be here. Though I still don't get why she should've left them behind when she's so secretive in the first place; but I digress! Mary's tape? If it is actually an answer? They would have to have handed it over.
CHARLIE 01:06
Well... You did say she was secretive. They all were. And it is unsolved. Still.
LYDIA 01:14
So... I should keep looking, huh?
CHARLIE 01:19
Do you... not want to?
LYDIA 01:23
I do! It's just... Why does it feel like we're about to open Pandora's box here?
CHARLIE 01:31
I think... we already have.
LYDIA 01:40
Charlie...?
CHARLIE 01:41
Uh-huh?
LYDIA 01:42
M.E.B; found it.
CHARLIE 01:46
Are you gonna... you know, do the whole 'click, shut, play' analog indie
thing anytime soon or...?
LYDIA 01:54
Just, hold on a minute - have you… thought about how something really bad must have happened? Not worse than the actual murder, before you say anything. But like, something that made them not care anymore, and leave all this stuff behind? Which isn't as objectively bad as, you know, death; but it is just as sad. It's even more sad to me. In a way.
CHARLIE 02:28
Maybe... Or maybe they just moved on. Which is a good thing! And probably lead really great lives and moved to big cities and are complaining about the air quality right now from their air conditioned, infinite square feet, suspiciously clean apartment.
LYDIA 0:47
That was frighteningly detailed. Suspiciously clean?
CHARLIE 02:51
Yeah, it's like they're - hey! You're trying to distract me!
LYDIA 02:56
...Is it working?
CHARLIE 02:58
'Fraid not pal.
LYDIA 03:00
Fine! But I'm telling you now, this is the beginning of the end!
CHARLIE 03:05
The end of what?
LYDIA 03:06
This Russian doll of secrets! Of... of life as we know it!
CHARLIE 03:12
You're being so dramatic! We'll be heroes! Famous for our investigation! We could even start a podcast about it!
LYDIA 03:20
Yeah, because the world is in dire need of another true crime, whodunit
type podcast-
MARY 03:35
You know how... how you can change your mind, about hundreds of things throughout the day? Maybe flip a coin. Make it even more random. And... and you feel good about it right? At least I do. Because... It's spontaneous! And... cool. Not just cool like, mysterious and rebellious or whatever but, physically cool. Like, when you're mid air jumping from a tree into the lake, and the wind swishes over your stomach and up your arms. Or when someone older than you first blows minty cigarette smoke into your face and it feels good, and it feels bad. All these moments that make you feel like it'll amount to something."It" being... you. Or life, I guess. But after that summer day, or that long night, or that morning flipping coins - you still go home. No matter how far you walk or how many different turns you make... You go home. Everyone just... goes home. And all that cool freedom... is just something we play with. A fan we turn on to just... take a break from the heat.
MARY 05:23
All right, I’m sounding kind of cynical. I hope I'm making sense, Janey. I'm trying to explain but... It's hard. I don't know where it begins. I just know it's ending. I've spent this entire year trying out different turns and hoping I'd end up somewhere different because of it. Somewhere better. Maybe if I told you sooner... But then again, what did I just say, huh? I am really sorry. But I'll tell you now. Last summer... Well, you know the Sharps right? Mrs. Sharp and her... Boo Radley ways, ever since Evie's mom left town? She saw me when I'd been coming out of the caves one day. I used to go over there to write or just take a break from my mom, before we showed it to the girls. And we... started talking. She told me the most amazing things, Jane, you have no idea! About this place, these mountains, traditions, magic, that everyone has forgotten about. Or at least forgotten that it's true. And she said... she could teach me. That there was something about me, a potential. A... capacity, an ease towards... becoming. I was so confused, I was so confused. "Becoming what?" I asked. But she said for someone that was particularly inclined towards it, becoming was its own end result.
MARY 07:26
Don't be mad at her! I know you too well and your first instinct will be to blame her but she didn't get me into this mess, I promise. And... how could I resist learning whatever it was she had to teach me? And I don't regret it. Even now. And I don't regret having seen what I saw either. Mrs. Sharp, she has a cabin on the other side of Mulberry creek, did you know that? That's where we'd meet. She'd have me walk around further and further into the woods, identifying plants and flowers, what they could be used for, what they could help with. Letting me figure out for myself where to best find feathers, and what bird they were from. I know, I sound crazy, but you believe me right? I mean, we've done blood pacts before and that is really out there, and... and you baptized me tonight! Although it was more of a ritual than anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we've been looking for this. And I had it. Still have it; for however long I've got. What I saw last winter... I got in over my head, Janey. I was coming back from meeting Mrs. Sharp, and it was really late, when I saw it. Them: the sheriff and all his little followers, they're a part of something big. And it's not just the drugs; I'm sure other people must figured that one out, but... the way they treat people in this town... the violence of it; something evil is spreading in Pine Springs, starting from the top, weathering the people, the places - rotting the wood, spoiling the fruit. Sinking into the ground... and they're at the root of it. I thought I could do something about it. Yeah, I thought I could help Jack. Helped him like he helped us that one time, when we got lost in the caves. Jack Wicker... well he's the one who's lost now. But I can't lead him anywhere. And I can't stop trying either. It's a stalemate. That stupid deputy job... He knows so much, and his word would mean something to people and he... won't. Get away, or stand up to them or, or - just choose something. Even if it's not what I want. Even if it's not me. And Mrs. Sharp won't do anything either, she says some choices aren't hers or anyone's to make. But that's bullshit, Jane! All choices are ours to make, always. Even if it ends up being the wrong one. And even then, wrong to whom?
MARY 11:20
What I think is... That the right thing, the only right thing really, is...to do. And live with it, whatever the outcome. Which is what I'm doing. Until I can't anymore. There is one last thing I need to try and if it goes wrong... Well, I'm recording this for a reason, and leaving it somewhere safe. Somewhere you knew where to find. Because... for all the ways in which we're so different, we walked a long, long way together, arm in arm, didn't we? And we're the same when it comes to that. We can't help but keep running through that forest, Janey. Forever and ever and ever. So I'm trusting you with this, just in case... I can't keep going. But I know you will. Promise me you'll be careful though? Promise... promise you won't trust anyone, except for Sarah and Ada. I put my trust in all the wrong people. I thought I was doing you a favor, keeping this from all of you. Your lives have always been so bright, so pretty, like my own glittery snow globe. And I thought I didn't want to be the one to ruin that, to end that. Most of all, I didn't want to lose that feeling of being a part of it, whenever I was with you. But it's all ending anyway... It's all about endings... And it's not fair, because it's not enough, whatever it was, whatever I had, I want more of it! And I wish I could start again, even just to end up in the same place. Don't forget that that forest is ours ok? And the caves, this entire town, no matter what they say, we made it our own. So don't give up on it. I'm sorry if I'm gone, and, and it seems like I have, because of it. I'm still running out there, ok? I'm... still not ready for it to be over. Do one last thing for me? Press rewind?
(Outro) 15:10
Thank you for listening. If you liked this episode, please leave a short review. The Cassette Diaries is written, produced, and scored by Isabella Pantoja, and directed by Nickolas Menescal. The voice of Jane is Raquel Romero. Find out who plays Ada, Sarah, Mary, and Lydia and Charlie, over on our Instagram: At The Cassette Diaries. See you next time.